He also did bring his Malaysian son to meet his family there. He asked my cousin to come along. Inn syaa allah. It will never happend to them what the other Pakistani do the other woman in a different country. From what I understand, the men are quite charming. They charm the pants off of some women and then charm them right on into marriage and then out of their money SMH Then they toss them out like trash.
As Salaam mu Alaikum to all the ladies. Yes, it must be very hurtful not only for his family doing this, but he that cannot stand up to them. The wife must have alot going through her mind. That she was the one believing in him and trusted him. All we can do is ask Allah to put plenty Sabr in our heart, and to guide us.
Verily Allah knows best and please do not give up hope, keep strong. Life is a journey, and we all learn along the way. Remember you are stronger than you think. Put all your trust in Allah, that Allah can make it easy for you, all. Good for you You have much to be thankful for. Please keep us posted on how things go. Stay strong and stay away from that loser. I recommend that you not spend any more of your resources on his family. You know what they are all about. You owe them nothing. He has another family, let him support you and them. Felicia, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,.
Thank you much for sharing your story with us. It was interesting to read that your husband was called home to Pakistan based on a lie that his mother was on her deathbed. They may have even said she was dead. What drastic measures for anyone to take. Their culture and Islam have nothing in common. It is what it is, now. You were meant to marry him and go through this and we know this simply because — it happened. You, however, could have a good outcome from it.
It would take you viewing and believing that the situation that you are in is a trial. Know that Allah tries some of us by way of others. Read the Quran, ask Allah to give you understanding and try to implement all that you learn into your life. Be patient and go with the flow. All will be alright. Stay strong and Allah will send you the person who is best for you when Allah decrees. I do understand, i am so sorry if i mentioned somethings i shouldnt have. I merely just shared what i thought was usefull that i could get feedback, as i appreciated what all the ladies shared with me.
I appreciate all the feedbacks and it is making a difference in my life. Just to put a smile on someones face, makes a big difference. May you all have a beautiful new week, filled with smiles, blessings and Allah, s guidance and blessings Inshallah Ameen. I just have to share this with you. I am corresponding with this man for the past seven months. His last mail he sent me an app so i downloaded it, his txt read i dont understand your app you sent me, tell me again. My reply to him was, i never sent you the app it is in malasian language, so it is from another friend of yours, but i never sent it to you.
Yes, i must thank all you ladies for opening my eyes and mostly thank our Almighty to have guided and protected me, as i know their are ladies that was less fortunate. I will now have to wind him off slowly and not reply to all his mails. I use to be very sad and heartbroken, when he play with my emotions, but today i dont feel anything and so happy and greatful.
I hope and Pray that he will not change it again. I would be lying if I said I have moved on completely even over 7months later. This man left an imprint on my heart and soul. Very charming, cunning, and deceiving. I did not accept his numerous marriage offers and I thank God I did not. ALL of the red flags were there. I am SO grateful for this site, because I could have been devastated by what was laying in wait for me behind those doors.
I think he pretended to be Christian in order to make me trust him. Then pray for God to heal your heart from loving the wrong man. It is NOT your fault, you were strong to be open to love in the first place. They want our woman, yet they know their families wont accept. Yes as i heard only for an oppertunity for them. But why make your wife so unhappy and to make her tear, dont they know, for the tears their wife shed the angels will curse him.
Then how do these men think. They Pray 5times a day, but i hear some of them having affairs with woman. How pious can you be. I have heard alot from all of you. It has helped me alot, just need to get the strength to ignore my friend or just keep their, as i do not feel to send him a ticket to come to south africa. He likes to play with my emotions then talk Deen again. Yes, only if you went through it, you know what u talking about.
I am realy sorry for what you all went through, as a woman i can only imagine how you must feel. As i had a raw deal with my first marriage, so i am very careful to just step into something i will regret afterwards. Their is so many stories about the pakistani men. I cant understand, why they do this, all for money, then how genuine can they be. I can only imagine what the inlaws must put you through.
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At this age, i am looking for a nice peaceful life, as i have no time for drama, and inlaw problems. I suppose to send him a ticket to come down, 3months back, but i am delaying situation as i am not sure, and i know if my gutt tells me something,, never go against your feeling. To all of you, i appreciate your feedback and keep you in my Dua, s. May Allah keep us strong, guide and protect us always.
Inshallah Ameen. It was difficult to accept that I am a foreigner to them. He would meet them at his business or at restaurants. The friends I met were married, to their cousin girls from Pakistan, and they had brought their wives to live in SA with them. We having such a lovely spring day in South Africa.
I just finished working in my garden and hope to have lovely flowers in a few weeks. I also read istikhaarah before I agreed to marry him. In terms of finances upfront we had an agreement. I was employed and he just started a business. His mum is a widow he is the eldest child and only son with 6 younger sisters. We both contributed to our household expenses, me more than him. I knew he had responsibilities at home so we agreed that once his sisters were married he would contribute equally to our home.
Also we financially provided for his eldest married sister as his brother-in-law was just not able to afford it. We sort of had the idea that mother-in-law will not live with us in SA so most probably the eldest sister will take care of her. I have been twice to Pakistan and on the 2nd trip his family asked him to marry a Pakistani girl.
He refused and since then they kept pestering him and he would always say no. They call him and tell him his mother is on her deathbed and he must rush to Pakistan. He gets there to find he is getting married at the end of the week. Everything is organised bride, clothes, venue, food. They were concerned that there will be no-one to take care of mother-in-law. I have only one child, a daughter. He offered that we move to Pakistan and then the truth came out they never accepted me as his wife. They will only accept a Pakistani daughter-in-law. Trust in what you believe and make the right decision.
All the best. As Salaam mu Alaikum. Jazakallah for your feedback, i was raised very strictly as my dad indian, so i am aware of cultural background. Yes in South Africa we as woman have much more freedom and i am selfemployed. I would appreciate if could share with me some experiences as i know i would never be completely aware of their lifestyle, as i am a very soft hearted woman and i am a divorcee but have no kids. We are also very Deen conscious and i love reading and listening to Hadeeth, so i would not like to make wrong choices as we have a choice.
I have made Istigharah when i first met him via imo and i got positive feedback. I put my trust in Allah and always ask for guidance and protection. His family and mother want me to come visit his family. Thank you all as i have no friends i can talk to. Thank you for all feedback, much appreciated. This man 58yrs old, i like the conversations we have as he is not a forward man.
Since we chatting, he told me he is not rich, he an ordinary working man. I have spoken to his family on imo. He would like to come south africa and take me to visit his family. He told me, if i want to bring my family to meet his family no problem, as he is telling me the truth, as he is a God fearing man. I am still affraid as i do not know what to expect, as people can tell u anything. He lives in Attock Shamsabad. His children also met me on imo and his son willing to come with him to South Africa. Citrus and Gameeda, as the other ladies have stated, if you do marry your Pakistani man, be prepared for what may come.
Be prepared for his family to be more important to him than you. Be prepared for his mother-hand-picked Pakistani wife to be loved by the family much more than you. Be prepared for the Pakistani ideas about love and marriage Many feel that a wife is either a baby maker or a servant or slave. Be prepared for your Pakistani husband wanting to use you for citizenship for him or for his family. Allah plans the life of everyone, so none of us knows what the future holds.
We are just asking you to be prepared if you decide to marry the Pakistani man. Just posting after a very long time. I have been reading the blog regularly. I am married to a Pakistani. Will share my story later. Felicia, are you new to website or posting after long time? Would like to hear more if you are comfortable with sharing.
Citrus, If you want a peaceful and happy life then please let go of this man. Nothing good is going to come out of it. At the end its your choice what you want to do. If you are the kind who likes to experiment, take risks then go ahead but be prepared for a lot of drama, heartache, pain.
Even if he is one of rarest of these men he is going to be torn between his duty to his family and his relationship with you. If you want to continue the relationship then just prepare yourself to be not his priority. I appreciate your reply. I am not discussing this with any family, as he said he will come to South Africa after Ramadan.
Now its money issue, as he knows i am selfemployed. I am trying to cut on my mails with him. He use to imo me, but now not enough funds to imo, but he mail me. I wonder how many other woman is he talking to as i know he can imo if he mail me. He plays with my emotions, and i appreciate he send me Hadith, but he knows exactly what he is doing.
I wish i can just cut all ties, but feels guilty, and sorry for him and his family. When he send me mails, i become emotional and i do not know how to handle this. My thing is why chance marriage with one of them knowing how many of them operate? If you know what many of them are about, why risk having a bad marriage with one of them? Why put yourself out there to be in a marriage from hell, get bled dry of all your resources and get thrown out like trash? Is it because you love him?
You say you love him. What do you love about him?
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Hi, i am talking to a pakistani man for the past seven months. He at first wanted me to come to pakistan to meet his family and i must bring my family with, as my brother inlaw speak the language. He is divorced, but his wife lives on the same grounds as him and his son, whom he is living with.
I am a 50year old divorcee with no children. He was on imo wirh my family and i, his english not that good. I was on imo with his mother, sons, daughters and grandchildren, he is 58years old. I know offcourse because of language barrier he could tell them anything. He is a very religious man and his children teaches at muslim schools. He wants to come live permanent in south africa, at this age?
To give up your whole life and come to a foreingn country. He sends me mails on Hadeeth as i like it very much. He has no funds to come to our country and i am by no means at this time to send him funds. He would like to bring his son with to perfom marriage. He say his mom waiting to meet me and his whole family. I am confused, but also have developed a liking in this man. Please i would appreciate some of your advice. Well yeah…… i will rethinking again. He have a higher job than me…… im afraid he honest with me now….. In the end, Im wasting my time for him…….
Yeah, he is really sweet talker, n make me dream too high…. Even if i choose him in the end, i will always have plan B, like u guys said prenup or saving my own money. I never think about that before…… thats thatnks for this blog. Arzoo, u from their culture? How usually they treat girls that marry one of their family but not from marriage arrangement? Coz, he said to me, after the marry, i need to live in his home country for 2 or 3 months….. You sound so happy and chipper I hope all is going well for you with your studies, as well. Thank you so, so, much for sharing your knowledge and insight about the matter with Citrus.
I was hoping that you would. You put it out there nicely in a nutshell to Citrus. At least Citrus sounds to be one of the smart ones who just may listen. Polygamy is a lawful way of life that Allah permits. They build lives together that are hopefully long lasting. I think you write very well. Many here including me are not native english speakers. Ana welcomes everyone to participate. I totally agree with Ana. They may make you feel so at the moment but its all lies. You said both of you are immigrants. Do you have an education or profession that makes it more likely for you to get permanent residence are you in US.
I am asking because anything these men do is very calculated. If not then they are just playing with you to get some sex while they are settled enough to marry and have a family. Believe me the ones they use like that are never going to be their life partner. Its always a Pakistani woman of their parents choice. The only reason they stick with a foreign or non-Pakistani woman for long time is if they are getting a financial or other benefit e.
She can ry all she wants but it never works unless you are willing to be submissive, keep your mouth shut, serve him and his family. Wow i can go on and on because i am from their culture and i know them too well. I suggest you seriously rethink marrying that man. If his mother has picked out a girl for him, you best believe that he in all likelihood will marry her.
Be safe, not sorry. Wow, thanks for all the info. Hmmm…… im dating pakistan men almost a year now….. Im speaking to his brother already, but i never speak to his mom, coz his mom doesnt know english. We both living outside the country. So im not scared, he was after for sponsoring or something like that, coz we both immigrants. He said his mom already has a girl for him in Pak.
He rejected already, n tell his mom about me. But now, im not that sure….. I need to make sure, n save my place in his life first. This blog really helpful. Opened my mind. Sorry for bad english. Hi Ana Good night for you thank you so much for being this. You said she is a US citizen.
Tell her to research what she needs to do to get you here. She can Google Immigration and Naturalization. If she wants you in the US with her, she should have an idea of how she intends to go about getting it done. Insha Allah, I have to get back to you later in the day. Sorry for the delay. Ana thanks for bring this but please explain some more I am not an us citizens but a friend of me she is American citizens and she wants that I come with her.
And I tell you before this that I tell everything true to her so what can I do and how. If you have a legal marriage already and want to marry another, you could do a personal written contract with the other woman that would be an agreement between you and her. They can get a visa to this person. Please tell me about this clearly. I get quite a few of those every now and again. Men come to the the blog saying they are looking for a woman to be a second wife. This time I just shook my head and said what the heck. I went ahead and posted it. Are you kidding???
This has to be a joke, right??? Julia, Welcome! Thank you so much for sharing about your experience in being married to a Pakistani man. I love your post and think it is much needed. Well said. Thank you again for sharing. Marriages can easily be for the purpose of citizenship, as well, with Pakistanis, another family can exist. It is acceptable culturally to the Pakistanis, and a complete nightmare for the British or Americans.
I married a Pakistani and have since divorced, but I wonder to this day if another family exists. Such a sad life evolved over time for me and our children, with a father who dedicated himself, any free time, and all our money to people who lived 10, miles away. It was a painful realization that my likable, charming, husband actually just saw me as an unimportant part of his life, a functional servant of sorts.
Hardly what I had walked into the marriage believing. The enormously different ideas of what marriage is between the two cultures makes a recipe for pain, sadness, and an empty life for any westerner. For western women, unless you want to take on the role of a voiceless, meaningless person in his family who does alot of housekeeping and cooking… which is the lot in life for Pakistani women, it would be better to not marry a Pak.
And of course, you will need to be Muslim. For me, the worst moments were when he would give me some jewelry, and that was to satisfy me. A shiny bracelet hardly makes for a fulfilling life to a western woman. This makes your groom hardly the romantic, intimate, best friend for life that you may be mistaking him for. Thank you much for sharing with us your experience and that of your friend and her daughter. I think some of those Pakistani men are being schooled on how to get over on manipulate and use women for personal gain. It has nothing to do with Islam either.
The more we get the word out about what is happening at the hands of those men, the better it will be. I am glad I did not introduce the Pakistani man to my family or children I kept him at a distance. Instinctively I did not trust him. I am happy to be out of that relationship.
The Pakistani man did not even come and see the child he simple told her it is her problem she must deal with it. Her daughter is only 19 years old ,with no father. This poor girls life is ruined she now has to look for work and support her child, all the while applying for child support.
This is truly a sad story. I just wanted to share this story and warn women not to get involved with such men be very careful as it will effect your entire future. Thank once again Ana for this site. I still wish I could spy but the family is related to them so theyd know what Im doing. Ok Roger, over and out?. It could be a good way to prevent someone from killing you to inherit your money LOl. Anyhow, I think your parents are right in their insistence of one for you. Better safe than sorry. Awesome thanks. Ive always felt guilty about my parents insistence on prenup or even financial lockdown on me when he proposed.
People were suggesting it was racist but my parents have seen it happen to family friends with men from all countries including Britain so theyre more worldly than anything. So youve just answered that one for me too. I like to think of myself as a good spy but it can run into trouble thats more scary than can ever be imagined. Thanks heaps :. The only way you upset anyone here is when we think that you may get sucked into a web of deception and your world will get turned upside down.
Whether the person take heed or not is on her. Which yes Ive set my boundaries up about to him yesterday. Thanks heaps and sorry if I upset anyone, polygamy is such a culturally different concept for me. As well as the concepts of arranged marriage and gender segregation, that Im learning to understand it all slowly.
Just imagine what his wife is having to deal with, being married to him. I think you could probably do better than it. Be patient and give yourself to someone worthy. Yeah I actually started to question it after I wrote that so thought Id test him by texting and askimg if I could write to his wife to see what she thinks of it all. He immediately said he didnt think it is a good idea which means she doesnt know the situation and hes probably playing dumb with it. He also said I should be over it because it was two years ago. I said women always get into trouble for uncovering things, and I was scared about his stories regarding his mafia uncle.
Oh well at least I had this site to vent upon. I agree with you. Theres always an aftermath after I bump into him or catch up like this where I see the intensity of what he did. From what he said last year I think his dad is coming down to buy him property and to exclude his wife from the prenup. He also said she went to Thailand to have a break from him recently because he knows hes bad. Shes lookinga bit messy on facebook. I shouldnt enter into it at all. They tend not to believe in Polygamy. The ones we generally hear about on this blog are users.
I think you are believing what you want to believe. It is apparent. The men that are spoken here on this blog are not about religion. They are about lust and desires and getting their worldly needs met, not unlike many people on this planet. Nonetheless, please do keep us posted. To each his own. We spent ages talking about cultural differences and how this could have caused the major rift, he still thinks its just the way he is but I talked to him about the patterns Ive found out about.
Ive explained to him the long lasting affects his behaviour has had on me in terms of how Im often worried that men are trying to manipulate me now. I still think its largely the Pakistani way and the men dont necessarily think foreign women are dumb or bait, theyre just so used to living in a polygamous culture where some people consider you to be way cool if you can drum up a bit of business.
Its a bad combination I know, but besides this, these people are some of the most kind hearted Ive ever met. And unfortunately for us, I think the men are amoungst the best looking and the most charming in the world. Anyway I never married mine so I dont know how deeply the manipulation goes.
My ex still wants me to meet his wife who was his flatmate and who I found out was seeing him at the same time as me while I thought I was his fiance and bidding at auctions to include him at the time. Ive just said I cant, because Id ask her about it and in the West this would cause a massive argument whether she knew he was still with me or not. He also explained this happened because he was in a really bad space regarding immigration for Middle Easterns, his parents pushing him to marry, being spoiled in PakistN and not knowing how to survive, and simply looking for love.
His father is coming to visit from Pakistan who is an Islamic divorce lawyer and his mum is a not very prominent politician. He wants me to meet him. If only Pakistani men realised what an international phenomena theyd become. Oh and just as an anecdote, I met a taxi driver about a year ago whose writing a PHD about the domestic violence that occurs in the Pakistani community in Australia as a result of the Visa marriages.
He wouldnt tell me his name because he knows how contentious this would be amoungst his friends, but he is a god send. Thanks for letting us know that you and Kanwal have a lot in common. Again thank you ladies for your great advice! Take care :. Good to here from you again. I say stop wasting your valuable time playing around with that kid. Life is short. He means you no good. Stop letting him bate you. As Ummof4 said, block him.
Block him and keep it moving…. If he has your email, block him. Remember, these men are expert talkers and are extremely slick, they go through training to learn how to get a woman to marry them. Good morning Ladies! I keep coming back to this page.. I went through the same situation! The person I thought I was falling for had found me through facebook.
Right to the point where he started calling me his wife, how much he loves me and wanted me to come and visit him in Pakistan. Mind you we have major age difference. Ana, he had contacted me couple days ago.. Arzoo, what you said about Pakistani men not accepting step-children is way important. It coincides with the importance that Allah stresses in the Quran about orphans.
That was spot on. Insha Allah, you will be a tremendous help in educating the women regarding this issue. I was so happy as I read your posts to kanwal. I was grateful that you wrote to her. Alhumdulliah that you are here. You are welcome Ana : I feel like its my responsibility to educate these women when you being from another culture can do so much then i can at least contribute with whatever cultural knowledge i have.
AND i missed something very important about you being divorced and having kids from previous marriage. Maybe if you have kids with him those they will accept but not the ones from your previous marriage. So another reason to stay away from this man. That will rule out a lot of risk factors. Even better marry someone from your own country and culture. Only Western men can truly accept their step kids as their own. Also dont believe anything he says about his current marriage. Examples of what he might tell you are.
He will say i will legally divorce her and HE WILL and you will be like wow he really is serious for me but he will stay Islamically married to his wife and his parents will continue to consider her their DIL. Its a lie. So even if he married you it will be much more about sex than a real life long partnership. He will divorce you to be able to bring his other wife here are you in US? Basically nothing he tell you or does for you will actually work in your favor.
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The only case where i recommend marrying a Pakistani man is when he is already well settled in western country. He is well educated and takes you to meet his parents and behaves more like western men than a love struck teenager crazy for you. Also watch out for those who are well settled in west, know that western women find them attractive and act all macho and make women pursue them instead of them pushing the woman.
So its very tricky. I hope some of what i said here will be helpful to you and all other ladies out there who are in considering Pakistani men. Take care dear! Kanwal, i was shaking my head as i read your last comment. Oh dear that is just the typical Pakistani man behaviour! Not all men there are like that. The good ones dont go online looking for random foreign women. He has nothing to lose. So he is even smarter than those who lie. Its too risky to get into a situation like this even if you believe in polygamy. Western women probably never experience men pursuing them that way.
They initially feel offended but eventually start feeling special because of all the attention they are getting. Once married the picture changes. Pakistani women do not accept polygamy. He will lie to his wife and in-laws and keep you secret. If he causes pain to wife his sister will be abused at her in-laws place. Its all very messy. We wish you very best and glad that you came here and talked about it. Arzoo, after I posted that I did actually go back through and read the article more closely. I apologize for that. I do like him very much. However I have many reservations. The biggest one is the fact that he just randomly sent me a friend request a few months ago, we have no mutual friends and dont like any mutual pages on facebook.
So i am beginning to grow concerned. He has offered to bring me to Pakistan though, he has offereed to move me there, but I declined because I have children and cannot even take them out of the state of NY without permission of their father. SO I dont know what to do, I enjoy talking to him but things are getting very serious and I wonder if he is trying to use me. Hi Kanwal, your name sounds Punjabi. I advice you read the blog carefully to understand what is going on here and not judge just based on this one post.
I am glad the Pakistani man you are in relationship with is honest and truthful to you. I feel like the admin to this article has a personal vendetta against Pakistani men. I really am most confused because you said the polygamy is not about Islam, its a culture thing. It is said in the Koran that if a man can treat all of his wives equally he can have up to 2 or 3 or 4. I was paraphrasing obviously…. You cannot condemn an entire group of people Pakistani Men because you got screwed over by one.
My Abid has been truthful to me from the get go. He told me about his wife, his kids, and that he would take me on as a second wife. I dunno, this just seems very very biased. Thank you for being here with us. It has been a pleasure meeting you and having you here. It was very thoughtful of you to update us on your progress. You are one of the fortunate ones who got out before you got in too deep. Life is a learning experience for each and everyone of us, if we have eyes that can see, and ears that can hear.
Some go throughout life repeating the same thing over and over again without learning a thing. I thought I fell in loved with this pakistani guy.. I still think of him often…but everything that was said to me were sadly true. After writing a few blogs here, made me think of going overseas just to see with my own two eyes…but I was afraid to travel alone. I share your sentiments that some men behave like pigs.
The word needs to get out there about what is happening with them. Many are weak and oppressed. They can be beaten and killed for speaking out and going against the grain. They have to do what their families and the men say. They just go along with what they must do to survive. They are raised differently than women in the West.
Marrying cousins and using foreign women have nothing to do with religion — Islam. In fact I think there is little Islam in the country. No one is getting the true Islam which is why people in countries with a large population of Muslims are suffering so much. Western women are going to have to learn not to be so gullible. Many get caught up out there because they have a sense of superiority. They think the foreign men want them because they are so special and a better breed — NOT. They get taken down a notch when they meet up with some of those men who want to take them for a ride.
Nonetheless, there is a lot of wrong associated with what is happening with a certain class of Pakistani men and foreign women. My thing is if the shoe fits wear it. No one has said that all Pakistan men are one way. A person with sense would know it without it having to be said that there is good and bad in all nationalities. There is enough of it going on out there involving Pakistani men to warrant attention.
Women need to be informed about what some are doing for financial gain. Many of those men woo women, sweet talk and charm them only to get what the women have. They make the women feel like princesses only to get what they can from them. Women need to be made aware of it. The women who are aware need to school others about them. If the women wait for men to help them as in whole, they will be waiting forever. There are so many countries with that problem. I know that it abounds in some countries.
The best anyone can do is get the word out there to the people to beware. Not everyone will take heed because there are many who think they are the exception to the rule and they have to learn the hard way. Never good enough smh? I really wish a woman would have the balls to tell her lying cheating husband to grow some and to be a man not a pig.
Marriage is hard enough with any man but with a Pakistani man its 10 times harder. Lies and deceit. Verbal abuse and physical abuse start when they get caught out.
Sad in our modern times women still go thru this crap with no help from political leaders. I have been lied too. Evething the women have written in about the Pakistani men are true. The whole marriage is about papers to stay in the country and to use women for money. I know a lot of my husbands friends wives are going thru the same hell. On Pakistani women are dirty secrets. South African government has no policies in place to protect south African women in these cases. Corruption beyond words can describe. South Africa is a safe haven for these men. Only share as much as you feel comfortable with.
I am from south Africa. I married a pakistani guy. We have the same problem here. They are foreigners in our home yet they make us follow there rules. Yep, there are slim pickings out there. American women go for the charm, romance and good looks of the foreign men. They have to learn the hard way. I read your post and u are spot on about India men and u can just as easily type there Pakistani men as well. American culture and India and Pakistani cultures are at complete opposite side of the spectrum.
I can only speak in my case and I honestly assume in most cases why American women mix up with India and Pakistani and foreign men in general is because the majority of American men are lazy and whiny and not strong willed or strong minded. I suggest you not take a chance on him and move on with your life. Very thankful i read this blog coz i have a boyfriend a pakistani who promised me to marry asap…. Try to stay off the internet, trying to meet someone to wed. The good old fashion way of meeting people is the best.
If you try to do it on your own, you will encounter problems. Save yourself for the man who will be your husband. Your body is for one man, your husband only. Gogogori, 28 years is still a baby to me, but I understand how you may feel that the years are flying by and you are still single.
My advice is to stay away from the internet and go out to meet real people. If you are not a Muslim, the old-fashioned way still works — going to events that interest you, joining a club or practicing a hobby, following up on suggestions from relatives and friends who really know you, your personality and your goals in life.
My youngest sister, who is not Muslim, was introduced to her husband of 29 years by our nephew they were in the same fraternity. My husband and I were married before we were Muslim, and we met through his younger sister who was my student in high school. If you are Muslim, you need to speak to your walee about marriage. You can also speak to family and friends about your desire to be married. Whether you are Muslim or non-Muslim, remember not to do this on your own. We all need the advice and guidance of family and friends.
And investigate before you invest. Thank you again for the information. All that you said makes total sense to me. I agree that the western women probably think the Indian culture is cool initially and think they will adapt easily.
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I could see how there would be clashes between them eventually. Look, I hear all the time about Nigerian scams. I will not do business with a Nigerian. No offense against them as humans. I put the work out for bid. A few Nigerians applied for the job. All I needed to see was the country they were from was Nigeria. Is it wrong? Stereotyping may not be good, but it could save me from a whole lot of bad…. Glad to hear that you are able to think logically and made a smart decision.
Tech companies have a lot of work that many are not willing to do. The reason tech companies hire so many of foreign engineers on H1B visa is because someone has to do the grunt work that no one else wants to do and they are bound by their H1B visa to only work for their sponsor company and not change jobs quickly. When they get married their nice Indian wives take care of home and kids while they continue working extra long hours.
They always seem to give priority to money than to relations especially with spouse. Compared to them an american citizen has a lot more opportunities and different priorities than just earning the money. Now i am not saying that all international engineers are doing undesirable work. Some of them are very skilled and smart.
You have saved yourself from a lot of drama and abuse. Indian parents are often very attached to their sons. Sons income is their only or main retirement plan. Yes, they consider it their birth right to depend on and stay with their married sons. Hence, each religion sees its founder Muhammad for Islam, and Joseph Smith for Mormonism as being a true prophet of God, called to re-establish the true faith. However, each religion differs in regard to how it views Jesus : Mormonism sees him as the promised Messiah and the Son of God as is the case around Christianity.
Islam agrees that Jesus whom the Quran calls " Isa " was a Messiah in his own right, but insists that he was only a mortal man, not the Son of God or a divine being. Despite great opposition from many other Christian branches , Mormonism identifies itself as a Christian religion, the "restoration" of primitive Christianity. Islam does not refer to itself as "Christian"; it asserts that Jesus and all true followers of Christ's teachings were and are actually Muslims — a term that means "submitters to God" — in their belief, not Christians as that term is used today.
Muhammad himself did not collect the Quran into a single, written volume; this was largely done after his death. Mormons believe that when Joseph Smith, Jr. These writings became the Book of Mormon , and were said to have described a people whom God had led from Jerusalem to the Western Hemisphere years before Jesus' birth. According to the narrative, Moroni was the last prophet among these people and had buried the record, which God had promised to bring forth in the latter days. Smith stated that he was instructed by Moroni to meet him at the hill annually each September 22 to receive further instructions; four years after the initial visit, in , he was allowed to take the plates and was directed to translate them into English.
In addition to the Book of Mormon, Mormons believe the Doctrine and Covenants to be a series of modern-day revelation from God. These were written by Joseph Smith over a year period —44 , from ages 17 to The first sections were written by Joseph Smith, while the last three sections and two official declarations were added to the Doctrine and Covenants by Smith's successors. The revelations include instruction on church procedures and organization, admonitions to Smith and other church members, interpretation of scripture such as the Book of Revelation and records of visions such as that of Jesus Christ in the Kirtland Temple.
It also contains the Book of Abraham , an alleged translation by Smith of an ancient Egyptian papyrus, together with the Mormon "Articles of Faith" and an extract from Smith's official history. Despite the similarities between the alleged origins of the Quran and Latter Day Saint sacred texts, neither Islam nor Mormonism accepts the scriptures of the other as canonical. Perhaps the greatest single area of difference between Mormons and Muslims lies in their religions' differing concepts of God. In Islam, Allah the Arabic term for God is seen as being unique, totally transcendent, absolutely and indivisibly One ; this concept is called Tawhid in Islamic theology , and does not admit the possibility of division in the Godhead either in personality, essence or otherwise.
Allah is perceived by Muslims to be a unique, independent and indivisible being, who is utterly independent of and who precedes all of creation, having created all of it ex nihilo. In fact, such ideas are referred to as Shirk , which is the most serious sin in Islamic law, and the only one designated by the Quran as being utterly unpardonable for the person who dies in it. In stark contrast, Mormonism believes in a Godhead composed of three separate and distinct beings, who function as a single, unified God under the direction of the Father , who is held to be the senior member of this triad.
The Mormon Book of Abraham , in its account of creation one that generally parallels the one in the Biblical Book of Genesis , speaks of "the Gods", rather than "God", as accomplishing the act of creation. Mormon Apostle Jeffrey R. We declare it is self-evident from the scriptures that the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are separate persons, three divine beings, noting such unequivocal illustrations as the Savior's great Intercessory Prayer [John 17], His baptism at the hands of John, the experience on the Mount of Transfiguration, and the martyrdom of Stephen—to name just four.
Latter-day Saints also believe, in marked contrast to Islam, that God the Father and Jesus Christ each have physical bodies of flesh and bone,  and that the Father was once a man, who progressed to become what he is today. In addition, the existence of a being colloquially known as " Heavenly Mother " is affirmed by the LDS Church,  though prayer to her or speaking of her as being part of the Mormon Godhead are not encouraged. In Islam, several hadith stress the importance of keeping family relations alive and recommend that the distant relatives ought to be visited, even if took a year to travel to them.
Brothers and sisters at home should help their mother when she becomes unable to support her children alone, while at the same time they should be equally benevolent to each other. Muhammad insisted that the most important person in one's life after Allah is one's mother , saying: "Paradise lies underneath the feet of mothers".
In Islam, all Muslims are considered brothers and sisters in the faith,  and are often addressed by the titles "brother" and "sister". The same holds true in Mormonism. Mormons also stress the importance of family relations. They designate Sunday as their Sabbath , a day of rest from worldly concerns and endeavors, to concentrate on spiritual matters including communal worship and family activities.
They also designate Monday evenings as " Family Home Evening ", an evening where all Mormons are encouraged to devote themselves exclusively to family togetherness and joint activities — temporal, as well as spiritual. Mormonism teaches that families can be together throughout eternity, through the rite of eternal marriage and sealing ordinances as performed in Mormon temples.
If a Mormon in good standing receives these rites and continues faithful to his or her religion until death, he or she is guaranteed to be reunited in the next life with all other family members who have done the same. Islam declares that all of those who remain faithful to Islam and achieve Jannah Heaven, or "Paradise" as it is often called will be reunited with their families there, or at least so many of them as have remained equally faithful to their religion and achieved the same reward. Islamic theology recognizes as many as , prophets. Of these five, four are equally revered in Mormonism, with two uniquely Mormon scriptures, the Book of Abraham and the Book of Moses attributed to two of them.
Aaron also lends his name to one of the two "priesthoods" of Mormonism: the Aaronic priesthood. Hud is sometimes identified with Eber of the Bible. Some Latter-day Saints consider Muhammad to have received a portion of God's light, and that moral truths were given to him to enlighten nations and to bring a higher level of understanding to individuals. Conversely, Islam does not accept Joseph Smith as a prophet, for it believes Muhammad to have been the final prophet of God to humankind.
To aid him in his ministry, Jesus was given the ability to perform miracles , all by the permission of God rather than his own power. According to the Quran and other Islamic texts, Jesus was neither killed nor crucified ,  but Muslims disagree as to the precise interpretation of these texts; many believe he was raised up alive to Jannah by God. Islam rejects that Jesus was God incarnate or the Son of God , stating that he was an ordinary man who, like other prophets, had been divinely chosen to spread God's message. Furthermore, the Atonement satisfies the demands of justice ; grace, forgiveness, and mercy i.
Islam does not believe in the necessity for any vicarious atonement for sin, as they believe God forgave Adam and Eve their sin in Paradise directly, without transmitting the guilt of that sin to any of their posterity; they believe that God furthermore forgives each individual directly without the need for a mediator or savior. Mormonism and Islam each believe in a life after death : belief in the Last Judgment and an Afterlife is one of the Six Articles of Belief of Islam; it also forms an essential element of the Mormon belief system.
Islamic and Mormon concepts of the next world share some common characteristics, which include:. Islam teaches that the purpose of man's creation is essentially to be kind to other human beings and to worship the Creator of the Heavens and Earth: Allah. It furthermore teaches that life lived on this Earth is a test for man to determine each individual's ultimate reward or punishment in the afterlife, which is eternal.
Those who prove less faithful will inherit a lesser reward, but will still be compensated for the good they did. In Islam, salvation refers to one's entrance to Jannah , or heaven. This word does not encompass the alternate possibility of Jahannam , or hell, nor to the multiple degrees Islam believes to exist in each location. The Quran teaches that the only sin which guarantees damnation for any human being is that of Shirk , or associating other beings or entities with the one, true God: Allah meaning those who die in such a state; those who repent and embrace Islam during their earthly lives are forgiven this sin.
Ultimately, says Islam, all true Muslims will inherit Paradise, even those who are initially confined to hell. However, with multiple levels in Jannah, not every Muslim will inherit the same degree. Furthermore, avoiding hell described in the Quran as a place of terrible pain and suffering requires more than belief: it requires repentance from sin and adherence to God's laws. However, Islam emphasizes that good deeds alone do not gain one admission to heaven; ultimately, Allah's mercy alone is what forgives sin and enables man to attain anything good in the next life.
Mormonism, for its part, believes almost precisely the same with regard to the role of God's mercy, grace and justice in judgment and salvation. The Mormon concept of the afterlife comprises three " Degrees of Glory ", together with a state of existence called " Outer Darkness ", which is not considered a "kingdom of glory". Entry into one of these kingdoms is determined by God, based upon one's deeds, beliefs and receipt of a series of ordinances mandated by the Mormon religion. For those who did not have a chance to hear about Mormonism or receive its rites during their earthly life, the LDS Church Temples provide a means for their salvation through proxies who receive the ordinances on their behalf.
The three kingdoms are:. In addition to this, there is a fourth destination, which Mormons specifically reject as being a kingdom or having any glory, referred to as Outer Darkness. This is the abode of those who are sent there after the Last Judgment , where they will dwell in a place of great torment, "the end thereof, neither the place thereof, nor their torment, no man knows; Neither was it revealed, neither is, neither will be revealed unto man, except to them who are made partakers thereof.
Charitable giving forms an important part of Islamic and Mormon teaching. One of the Five Pillars of Islam is the payment of Zakat , a mandatory contribution of 2. The poorest Muslims those below a certain minimum level of wealth are excused from this payment, as are those who have experienced a net loss in the year's income compared to the previous year's. This money is distributed to extremely poor and needy Muslims, indebted and traveling Muslims, those who seek to propagate the religion, and also to free captives.
Islam emphasizes the obligatory nature of Zakat, and states that no one who refuses to give who is able will be accepted by God. This tithe is mandatory of all who wish to obtain a temple recommend , a requirement to enter LDS temples as opposed to regular Mormon meetinghouses where anyone can attend weekly worship services.
In addition to this, a Fast Sunday is observed once per month, where a special Fast offering is collected to be given to the poor and needy amongst the Mormon people. The amount given during this special offering is generally expected to equal or exceed the amount one would have spent on the two meals which one is asked to forego on that day.
Mormons and Muslims have recently cooperated in charitable work. In Islam , polygyny is allowed, and is practiced in some countries in the Middle East , although under certain restrictions. The single passage in the Quran dealing directly with the topic of polygyny is in Surah 4 Verse And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice between them , then marry only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course.
Early in its history, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints practiced polygamy in the United States and referred to it as " plural marriage ". It was publicly announced by the church in , and the plural marriage ceremony as conducted by an authorized priesthood leader was viewed as a sacred, eternal ordinance. Only a small percentage of church members, including leaders, ever practiced polygamy.
Congress making polygamy illegal in U. Although Latter-day Saints contended that their religiously based practice of plural marriage was protected by the United States Constitution , the Supreme Court of the United States determined otherwise, leading to the formal ending of the practice in , reinforced by further decrees in mandating excommunication for any member either practicing or advocating polygamy. Certain fundamentalist Mormon sects continue to practice plural marriage today, albeit outside of the mainstream LDS Church body.
Although the mainstream LDS Church has renounced the practice of plural marriage, it still believes and teaches that a celestial marriage contracted between a single unmarried man  and a single unmarried woman in one of its temples is eternal, so long as both parties continue faithful to the Mormon religion until death. They see such a union as being indispensable for " exaltation " to " godhood " in the next life,  and deny an eternal union to all marriages contracted elsewhere. Fasting forms an important part of both Mormon and Muslim doctrine.
Mormons are encouraged to fast from all food and drink including water each Fast Sunday generally the first Sunday of each month. They generally skip two meals during their fast and donate what they would have spent on those meals to those in need. Although this is the only church-scheduled period of recommended fasting, Mormons are encouraged to fast at other times, for personal revelation or during times of prayer and contemplation.
Islam has as one of its "five pillars" the practice of Sawm , which is not merely fasting from all food and drink including water , but equally from impure thoughts, words and deeds. Islamic fasting also requires one to refrain from smoking and sexual intercourse during the period of the fast, as well.
While Sawm is optional during most of the year and forbidden altogether on Islam's two holiest days: Eid ul Fitr and Eid ul Adha , it is mandatory during daylight hours throughout the month of Ramadan , the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. It was during this month that the first verses of the Quran were said to have been revealed to the Prophet Muhammad. Both Muslims and Mormons are active in proselytizing those outside of their religion, inviting them to learn about their faith and adopt it for themselves, if they so decide.
In Islam, this is referred to as Da'wah , and it is considered incumbent upon all Muslims to actively invite non-Muslims to the faith. Da'wah is equally described as the duty to "actively encourage fellow Muslims in the pursuance of greater piety in all aspects of their lives". The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also has a widespread proselytizing program, and are perhaps best known to others for this activity.
Most of these missionaries are young Mormons generally aged 18—26 , though some are older couples or individuals.
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All persons aged eight and older, who are considering membership in the LDS Church, are taught by church missionaries prior to baptism. Once this person has been sufficiently instructed, he or she will be interviewed by another missionary to ensure their proper preparation for membership in the church.
In certain situations, an interview with the area mission president may be necessary before the church agrees to baptize an individual. It is seen as different from all other sins and is categorized as the one and only categorically unforgivable sin. Hence, depicting religious themes, and specifically God, is seen as inappropriate and unbecoming. Islam does not believe that Allah may be depicted in any artistic manner whatsoever, nor represented by any kind of image, no matter what reason one may have for doing so.
For instance, the Dreamworks animated film The Prince of Egypt was banned in Egypt , Malaysia , the Maldives and Indonesia , as these predominately Muslim countries objected to any depiction of Moses , whom Islam views as a prophet. Latter-day Saints do not generally approve of or own crucifixes , and do not typically have statues in their local ward meeting houses, though some have been erected in LDS Visitor Centers and elsewhere.